Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
