new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Will exercising make me less horny?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
