I just pynch a tree in the face
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
