My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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