I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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