At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
