you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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