I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
