K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize