true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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