I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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