If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
