That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
