I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
