And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
