I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize