also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
