Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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