I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
