He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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