Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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