Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
