Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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