On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
