I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
