I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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