Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
