do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
