to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
What drink are we having for lunch?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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