when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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