We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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