if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
