When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
that is very illegal...i love you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
