im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i think im in europe. pls send help
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
