we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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