hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
