Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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