Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize