He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
