ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
