there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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