Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
