Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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