with your own penis?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Randomize
