I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
