you have to choose: penises or morals?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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