a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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