I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
