I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
