btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
two words...techno handjob
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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