Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
