My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
