I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
