Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
