hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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