ya dads aren't the best wingmen
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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