I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Soap is not a condiment
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize