i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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