Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize