why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
