well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
