Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
