I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
