I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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