OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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