dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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