If i come over, it means nothing
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Randomize
