Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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