Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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