Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
honey bunches of taint.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
