So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
