Just fell off a train. Bad.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
