just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
