i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
