ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
