Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
did i just pee glitter
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
