I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
