Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
