1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
this beer tastes like vomit already
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
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