Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
