you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
