gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So apparently I’m into choking now
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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