And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
