Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Damn victory sex feels great
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
