it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
