Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
