a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She even gives head with a lisp.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
