It's Friday. Sex?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
