ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
my poor anus
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize