just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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