just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
